Peenie Wallie: When cars are outlawed, only outlaws will speed

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May 30, 2005

When cars are outlawed, only outlaws will speed

Once you disarm a society of guns, the subjects would be at a distinct disadvantage if they thought the other person had a gun, so logically, you have to ban toy guns. The Green Party is serious about banning toy guns as well.

The British Medical Journal goes further, by advocating reducing "knife crime", stating plainly that "We need to ban the sale of long, pointed kitchen knives." Of course, this is the logical extension of the gun control argument. The logic is exactly the same. If there were no knives in society, wouldn't that reduce the number of stabbing deaths?

Unfortunately, the intrepid politicians of the British Medical Journal don't carry their argument far enough. If we're to truly blame inanimate objects for crime, then why not cars, swimming pools, and scissors. Why are we wasting our collective breath with "knife crime" and "toy gun control", when 5,000 people die every day in "car crimes" and "car-related crimes"? "Car crimes" are directly responsible for 50,000 deaths a year in the U.S. alone, and countless pregnancies. Not only are cars used to commit such crimes as drunk driving, speeding, racing, and tailgating, but they're the weapon of choice for bank robbers, rapists, stalkers, and hit-and-run drivers.

Although reputable dealerships routinely refer purchasers to the county to register the vehicles, what about the "used car loophole", where people can buy cars from private citizens with no proof of id, no background check, no registration, and no cooling off period? It's just cash and carry, and you've got a person out on the streets with a truck that can be used to rob banks, rape teenagers, and destroy pristine habitat of the endangered Deep-Throated Nut Sucker. Frequently, these vehicles can reach speeds in excess of 140 mph, over twice the posted speed limits on U.S. highways. Who needs this type of vehicle?

I'd like to get ahead of the curve and get out in front of the British Medical Journal on this one. With deference to my fellow citizens that proposed to close the Golden Gate Bridge to save lives, although I respect their intent, their solution is woefully inadequate. I'm sure I'm going to take some flack for this, but I'm not sure why we have to be so reactionary, always waiting for some nut group to dream up these ideas first, so that we read about their brain farts in the daily fish wrappers. Let's get out in front and demand some common sense regulations on "assault vehicles" and "thrill craft" that are taking so many young lives unnecessarily.

I propose:
* Government installed velocity controls on any vehicle with more than three cylinders.
* Mandatory background checks on all private and commercial vehicle purchases.
* Close the "used car loophole".
* No more than one vehicle purchase per month.
* Limits on the number of "thrill craft" any subject can own.
* Cooling off period for anyone wanting to purchase a vehile that goes faster than 20 mph.
* Lawsuits against the "car peddlers" that are profiting from the sale of these death machines.

Think about the children, and support common sense "car control". After all, if it saves just one life, isn't it worth it?

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