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July 4, 2005
Bush launches "Preemptive Strike" on innocent comet
Driven by an insatiable appetite for conquest, the Bush regime attacked an innocent comet nearly 100 million miles from Earth in what was described as a "pre-emptive strike" by Bush loyalists.
Donald Rumsfeld pointed out that comets have struck the earth before, wiping out the dinosaurs and plunging the earth into a series of ice ages. Rumsfeld went on to claim that it was "only a matter of time" before this comet struck the earth, and, even it didn't strike the earth, attacking it would serve as a warning to other comets in the region.
Karl Rove reportedly leaked a story to long time confidant Robert Novak claiming the administration was in possession of a crayon reproduction of the original copy of a fax indicating that Iraq's weapons of mass destruction had been spotted on the comet, after being smuggled across the Syrian border.
It is the first time the Bush regime has successfully attacked an extra-terrestrial object. Although top military brass publicly downplayed the significance of the event, many within the Pentagon expressed their disappointment as they watched from the sidelines.
In a thinly veiled threat, a Senior Warrior at the Pentagon pointed out that NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratories in Pasadena, California are only seconds away from Vandenberg Air Fore Base, as the missile flies.
Speaking from their headquarters in New York where the UN flag is illegally flown above the U.S. flag, several UN officials asked if there were any young girls on the comet.
Sheila Jackson Lee (D - TX) asked if they had planted a flag there, similar to the one planted on Mars by Neil Armstrong in 1969.
Bruce Willis was unavailable for comment.
Posted by Peenie Wallie on July 4, 2005 at 8:13 AM
Comments
A Russian astrologer is suing NASA for $300 million for damaging the comet.
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on July 5, 2005 at 4:02 PM