Peenie Wallie: DNCC - The Madness Continues...

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August 27, 2008

DNCC - The Madness Continues...

Well, today didn't go as well as I'd hoped. It started out well enough. I woke up at the crack of noon and went and ate lunch with Jennifer. Then, I went to try to find a bullhorn/megaphone thing-a-ma-jig. First, I went to Sportsman's Warehouse, and they were like...."Hmmmm. A megaphone...hmmm...what will you be using it for?"

I've never been good at thinking on my feet. I'm like "uh....ah....um...."

Of course, I can't really think of any legitimate use for it right off the top of my head like that. This isn't my forte. The incident remindes me of the time that game warden stopped me for passing on a double yellow and wanted to know why I had a rifle with a scope and a pair of bolt cutters in the trunk of my Malibu.

I wanted to say "Just because I can't think of a legitimate use for them doesn't necessarily make me a criminal," but then I just figured I'd invoke my 5th amendment right not to incriminate myself.

"You mean like a coach would use for coaching football maybe?" she asks.

"There you go. Good answer. Well done. It could be used for that, couldn't it? By jove that's a splendid answer. Do you have one?"

"No. Try Radio Shack."

So I go bouncing into Radio Shack. Radio Shack cut their teeth as an electronics hobby store. But when the home electronic project fad petered out in the '70's, they weren't sure what they should be selling and to whom and no one is disputing the fact that their business model failed 30 years but they're still around for whatever reason.

So, I go bouncing in there and all they have is just random stuff. Sort of like the Hudson's Salvage Center of electronics. They're selling cell phones and ipods and soldering irons and remote controlled robots and it's August and they've already got their Hannakah and Ramadan displays all set up.

The whole store is about the size of a Manhattan broom closet and I look around and I'm sure they don't have a bullhorn but I ask the girl if they might have one and she says yes, of course, only they're in the back and she disappears behind a magic curtain like in the Wizard of Oz and when she reappears, she's brandishing a fine 10 Watt Megaphone and she's not asking me a lot of difficult questions like what I plan to use it for. She's all about the "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" approach of Radio Shack. (I had some pamphlets printed up in college at a local printer and their motto was, "We don't read the print - we just set the type.")

Radio Shack always surprises me with what they keep in stock. I have a friend that got caught red-handed trying to smuggle a live Scud missile into a port just north of Los Angeles. After all of the hullabaloo died down I told him I was sure I saw one in a Radio Shack catalog in the late 1980's.

Anyhoo, she just swipes my credit card and I've got my fingers crossed that it goes through because I'm so broke you can't know.

And somehow, the charge goes through and she puts it in a bag that would comfortably hold a Prius and two bleating liberals.

Then, I go to Office Max and buy a 50 count box of 9" x 13" thermal laminating pouches and a Sharpie Magnum.

But unfortunately, there was a big mixup at the the credential manufacturing facility and I wasn't able to make it back down to the Demagogue Convention today for reasons that are too long and tedious and incriminating to go into.

But suffice it to say that I am alive and well and I spent a good portion of the day standing on my redwood deck in my underwear, calling in crows with a crow call, and dispatching them wth a 12 gauge.

Here are some more photos from yesterday for your entertainment.