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September 29, 2008
Poaching Squirrels
With the dramatic sell off in the market today, I started poaching squirrels. It's not something I'm proud of, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I was out back in my underwear shooting squirrels with the 12 gauge when the phone rang and it was Bernanke, the chairman of the Federal Reserve.
He made a desperate plea for me to save the American economy because he knew that I alone have the gift of making the markets rise. The only time-proven method of making the market rise is for me to sell shares. Normally, I only sell individual stocks, which has a limited effect. But this time, they're request that I sell off my index funds, which is expected to life the entire market several hundred points.
So, I went down and met with my CPA and told him to get me out of the stock market entirely. Consequently, you should see the DJIA rise approximately 1,200 points tomorrow by noon.
After meeting with my CPA, I drove down to Chinatown and bought a 50 pound sack of rice (new 2008 harvest) and a gallon of soy sauce. Then, I went to King Soopers and bought 100 cans of Hormel homestyle chili with beans and filled up the Tahoe with gas.
Then, I drove down to 32nd and Lowell for some sushi and sake. What a country.
Posted by Rob Kiser on September 29, 2008 at 9:46 PM
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